The ABC's of apologizing

Have you ever put your foot in your mouth--metaphorically speaking--and then try to fix it only to end up with both feet in? That's what happens when one tries to apologize by attempting to justify our actions or deflecting responsibility by placing it somewhere.  An effective apology requires swift and careful thought.

Act quickly.  Do not wait too long to take the first step.  If you are not sure what to say, consult with a trusted mentor, professor or colleague.  Pick someone who can provide a neutral perspective.

Be brief. Get to the point.  "I apologize for X." Or "I would like to apologize for X. My comment/behavior was inappropriate." Period. That is it.  Refrain from explaining why you did it.  This will only take away from the apology.

Cover all your bases.  In order words, have some kind of damage control in place.  Your faux pas is bound to tick people off and some may choose to hold it against you for a long time.  Check in with friends, acquaintances and colleague to gauge who is on your corner.

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Lessons from failure

A popular saying assures us that only two things are certain in life:  death and taxes.  There is a third:  failure.  We are bound to not achieve all of our goals on the first try.  Sometimes our failures are very public. Think the New England Patriots losing to the New York Giants.  Other times they are private.  Regardless of how we fail, the important question is:  What lessons can we learn from failure?

A couple come to mind:

Accept and acknowledge.  In order to move on and focus on other goals, it is important to accept that things did not work out and--most importantly--acknowledge the fact that you tried.  Acknowledging your efforts is key. We spend lots of time beating ourselves up for not winning and forget to remember what did right.  Stop the cycle of excessive self-criticism and identify small wins.  Did you secure an informal interview after several attempts?  Did the recruiter invite to another round of interviews?

Reflect and retool.  This approach is most useful when we know we will be trying again.  Being objective about what went wrong and could have been done differently.  What actions could you take to achieve different outcomes? Who could help get there?  Do I need more time to prepare?

Losing is not pretty.  No one is his right mind wants to be the one who did not get the job, was the runner up to a fellowship, or lost a second time to the same team (I feel you pain, Patriots!).  However, having the courage to see failure as a learning opportunity is what separate real winners from losers.

From dreaming to execution

As we wind down the celebrations for Dr. Martin Luther King's birthday, the one thought on my mind is his "I Have a Dream" speech.  These words have inspired many to dare to dream big.  I must confess I am a serial dreamer.  Where I encounter challenges at times is making a dream a reality.  Here is how I have made it work.  Ask yourself these questions:

• How does this dream fit with my goals? There was a time when my dream was to have a Caipirinha with New England Patriots Tom Brady and his wife supermodel Gisele Bündchen.  As fun as this dream was it really did not fit in with my goal of being an inspiring author and a leadership expert.  I guess I could have used the anecdote of meeting them in my talks, or use them as examples of leadership and empowerment, but meeting them did not add any value to my main goal other than give me personal satisfaction.  
• What does this dream mean?  In the Tom and Gisele example, I could speculate endlessly and arrive at many answers.  The one that resonated with me the most was the desire to have fun things happen in my life.  If I were to combine my dream of being an author and expert with the Tom and Gisele dream, I would come up with being an inspiring author while having fun at it.
• How does the end result look like? Once you have figured out that your dream makes sense and is in alignment with your goals, then start visualizing how it will look like when you get to the finish line.  Yes, we have discussed this technique before.  It works.  So, start backtracking every step from the end result (the realization of your dream!) to where you are now.  What are the steps necessary? Who do I need in my corner? What resources will I need? What is a realistic timeline?

Going from dreaming to execution requires a lot of thinking.  But at the end what will make your dreams become a reality are the steps that you take to get you there.

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Life lessons from Russell Simmons

Russell Simmons.  The name says it all. Social entrepreneur. Human rights activist. Best selling author. Mogul. His list of accomplishments and influence is so long, that at recent event hosted by Color Magazine in Boston, where Simmons was recognized, the Mistress of Ceremonies took a few extra breaths just to keep reading the introduction.

Simmons, a bit embarrassed and impatient to get on with business, smiled and humbly accepted the award. His speech was short, since he had previously had a conversation with Harvard Professor Charles Ogletree. 

Photo credit:  Color Magazine

During his talk with Dr. Ogletree, Simmons mostly explained the philosophy behind his book, "Superrich:  Inside and Out" came about.  But he emphasized the same key points:  get to know yourself, reach out to others and together improve your community.

To read an extensive interview with Russell Simmons, please click here.

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Latino leadership 2.0

Latino Leadership 2.0

There was lots of dancing and hugging--and occasionally--crying.  Other times there were discussions about the environment, art, life, and work, sprinkled with jokes and anecdotes about our Latino roots.  A support group? No. It was Juana Bordas' Latino Leadership retreat in the Colorado mountains.

I had the privilege to join eighteen mid career professionals from across the U.S. in early November and attend the eleventh annual  Latino Leadership Development Program (LLDP) created by Juana Bordas, author, social entrepreneur and the founder of Mestiza Leadership International. Each day started with some kind of awakening--physical or intellectual.  We stretched our limbs to the tune of an inspirational song while we also learned to engage each other. "Latinos are kinesthetic learners," Juana said while leading the morning stretch. "We learn by doing."

Photo credit:  Liz Treviño

The program combined assessment tools generally used in leadership programs--Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, FIRO-B Test, 360  Feedback and the Change Style Indicator--with sessions and group dynamics about leadership styles, decision making and  teamwork. The icing on the cake was the opportunity to openly discuss how our heritage and being Latino influence how we are as leaders.  During one session titled Latino Assets, the group reviewed a list of "dichos" or sayings in Spanish and discussed how these translate into cultural values that can then be applied to the workplace.  For instance, the saying "donde come uno comen dos" (loosely translated to "do more with less" or "there is always room for one more") speaks about the value of sharing which can be translated into inclusion at work.

Having studied and participated in many leadership programs, I was struck by how the retreat meticulously interwove the results from assessment tools, group exercises, sessions and personal anecdotes into one customized version of leadership. As days unfolded, the group started to craft a new and improved version of themselves as Latino leaders.  A version that includes community building, work and life balance, self care and honoring our Latino culture.

Juana explained the vision behind the program, "The LLDP integrates cultural assets with mainstream leadership practices and asserts that high potential Latinos have a competitive edge since they add value through their multicultural backgrounds. This is particularly important because of America's expanding diversity."

Genesse Park, Denver, CO. Site for one of the group exercises.

Photo credit:  Anna Giraldo-Kerr

Alicia Avila, Business Liaison at Denver International Airport, said of her experience,“ Managing and leading in today’s world of work demands that we stay innovative, current, and inspired. This Leadership training program is one that every Latino interested in leadership wisdom should take and then impart to every Latino colleague!"

And as if that was not enough, each participant had the opportunity to have an individual session with a professional coach.  A team of coaches descended on the third day and meet privately with each person to devise a personal and professional action plan.

The end result:  Re-energized and refocused professionals ready to make a greater contribution in the workplace and community while leveraging their Latino roots.  All while having gained a group of colleagues and friends for life.  Who knew Latino leadership programs could be so uplifting, empowering and-- most importantly--fun?

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Life after 9/11

My 9/11 story starts with a lay off.  I was laid off on September 11, 2001.  The rumor mill had confirmed the date weeks ahead, so I was aware of my possible fate.  At the time, I was a Boston-based technology analyst following Internet and e-commerce trends.  The technology bubble had burst months before, so I was convinced that I would be one of the employees to lose my job that day, so I packed ahead.

The morning of 9/11 I felt a sense of anticipation as I waited for the Human Resources representative to show up in my office.  Instead, I started to receive phone calls from colleagues as far away as Denmark and Chile. "There has been a plane crash in New York City," one of them said.  "And the plane came from Boston."  

By the time the Human Resources manager stopped by to talk about my termination package, I was numb in disbelief about the attacks taking place in New York and Washington D.C.  I had worked at 2 World Trade Center years prior.  Downtown Manhattan was where I started my professional life.  First in Wall Street and later at the World Trade Center.  As I heard her list the different package options, my brain could not register the sounds she was making.  Who cared about a job?  My lay off became so insignificant.  I wanted the HR person to leave my office that second so I could call my former colleagues, friends, family.  All lived and worked in Manhattan.

The day after 9/11 was one of the hardest days I have ever lived.  At first, I thought I had a horrific nightmare.  But then reality set in and I felt paralyzing physical pain.  I wanted to stay under the blanket, but I was not sick.  My former city, New York, had been ripped open.  My old work neighborhood looked like a nuclear war zone.  The towers that greeted me every time I came back from a trip into JFK airport had been obliterated.

Then, all of the sudden, I remembered the images I saw on TV the night before of countless firefighters and first response personnel who kept on going despite feeling broken inside.  How in the world could I complain about my pain when others were suffering a million times more?  Their strength lifted me up and helped me understand the fragility of the world we live in.  It was the kick in the rear that I needed to gradually get back on my feet--physically and emotionally.

Over the years, remembering all of what transpired during and after 9/11--the unthinkable evil acts and the extraordinary acts of kindness and courage--has shaped how I make decisions in my personal and professional life.  When I am torn about an engagement that might comprise my values, I ask myself, "Would I be OK having this project mentioned in my obituary? How would I like to be remembered?  And if you think you are too young or too cool to have such sobering thoughts, remember 9/11 and the weeks, months and years after it.  It has been 10 years and it feels as it were yesterday...

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Skills, knowledge, and traits…oh my!

When asking for career advice, how many times how we heard, ‘play to your strengths,’ or ‘focus on what you are good at?’  Or my personal favorite:  ‘share your gifts with the world.’  Although there is nothing wrong with these words, they offer plenty of encouragement but very little direction.

Here is my own version of these inspirational phrases:  You need to know what your strengths are before you can share them with the world.  There is a twist to this issue, though.  What if I am not sure what my strengths are? And what do we mean by strengths, anyway?

There are three different ways to define strengths in terms of career development and job search:  Skills, Knowledge and Traits.  To illustrate the differences among these three, let me introduce you to Mike.  Mike is a freshman with an aptitude for languages.  He is bilingual in Spanish and is working on his French. 

Skill is the specific ability to perform an action which could have been learned through the environment or deliberately acquired.  Skill mastery could be reached over time.  For instance, Mike’s ability to communicate in several languages is a skill.  He may have picked up Spanish at home.   So for him being bilingual is an inherent part of growing up.  But his efforts to become fluent in French are due to his own choice. 

Knowledge refers to information, data, and subjects learned by formal or informal means.    In Mike’s case, his ability to communicate in Spanish relies on words and idioms absorbed throughout of cumulative learning.  This database of information became the foundation to his ability to communicate in Spanish. 

Traits are personal tendencies that result in behavior.  These are natural preferences that influence how we perceive and behave.  For instance, Mike’s natural predisposition to being friendly and outgoing might have influenced his interest in languages.

Now that we are clear about the distinct differences among these three types of strengths, what skill would you like to strengthen? How about learning to network effectively?  Or perhaps you may want to become better at managing your time?

Whatever your next step may be, keep in mind that the road to self-discovery and self-improvement is an ongoing but rewarding process.  Enjoy the ride!

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