The ABC's of apologizing

Have you ever put your foot in your mouth--metaphorically speaking--and then try to fix it only to end up with both feet in? That's what happens when one tries to apologize by attempting to justify our actions or deflecting responsibility by placing it somewhere.  An effective apology requires swift and careful thought.

Act quickly.  Do not wait too long to take the first step.  If you are not sure what to say, consult with a trusted mentor, professor or colleague.  Pick someone who can provide a neutral perspective.

Be brief. Get to the point.  "I apologize for X." Or "I would like to apologize for X. My comment/behavior was inappropriate." Period. That is it.  Refrain from explaining why you did it.  This will only take away from the apology.

Cover all your bases.  In order words, have some kind of damage control in place.  Your faux pas is bound to tick people off and some may choose to hold it against you for a long time.  Check in with friends, acquaintances and colleague to gauge who is on your corner.

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Lessons from failure

A popular saying assures us that only two things are certain in life:  death and taxes.  There is a third:  failure.  We are bound to not achieve all of our goals on the first try.  Sometimes our failures are very public. Think the New England Patriots losing to the New York Giants.  Other times they are private.  Regardless of how we fail, the important question is:  What lessons can we learn from failure?

A couple come to mind:

Accept and acknowledge.  In order to move on and focus on other goals, it is important to accept that things did not work out and--most importantly--acknowledge the fact that you tried.  Acknowledging your efforts is key. We spend lots of time beating ourselves up for not winning and forget to remember what did right.  Stop the cycle of excessive self-criticism and identify small wins.  Did you secure an informal interview after several attempts?  Did the recruiter invite to another round of interviews?

Reflect and retool.  This approach is most useful when we know we will be trying again.  Being objective about what went wrong and could have been done differently.  What actions could you take to achieve different outcomes? Who could help get there?  Do I need more time to prepare?

Losing is not pretty.  No one is his right mind wants to be the one who did not get the job, was the runner up to a fellowship, or lost a second time to the same team (I feel you pain, Patriots!).  However, having the courage to see failure as a learning opportunity is what separate real winners from losers.

From dreaming to execution

As we wind down the celebrations for Dr. Martin Luther King's birthday, the one thought on my mind is his "I Have a Dream" speech.  These words have inspired many to dare to dream big.  I must confess I am a serial dreamer.  Where I encounter challenges at times is making a dream a reality.  Here is how I have made it work.  Ask yourself these questions:

• How does this dream fit with my goals? There was a time when my dream was to have a Caipirinha with New England Patriots Tom Brady and his wife supermodel Gisele Bündchen.  As fun as this dream was it really did not fit in with my goal of being an inspiring author and a leadership expert.  I guess I could have used the anecdote of meeting them in my talks, or use them as examples of leadership and empowerment, but meeting them did not add any value to my main goal other than give me personal satisfaction.  
• What does this dream mean?  In the Tom and Gisele example, I could speculate endlessly and arrive at many answers.  The one that resonated with me the most was the desire to have fun things happen in my life.  If I were to combine my dream of being an author and expert with the Tom and Gisele dream, I would come up with being an inspiring author while having fun at it.
• How does the end result look like? Once you have figured out that your dream makes sense and is in alignment with your goals, then start visualizing how it will look like when you get to the finish line.  Yes, we have discussed this technique before.  It works.  So, start backtracking every step from the end result (the realization of your dream!) to where you are now.  What are the steps necessary? Who do I need in my corner? What resources will I need? What is a realistic timeline?

Going from dreaming to execution requires a lot of thinking.  But at the end what will make your dreams become a reality are the steps that you take to get you there.

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